This looked like fun, so I thought I’d give it a try.
[Image: a conversation between 1-800-SEXHAWK, run by a custom Marian Hawke, and 1-800-DORFSEX, run by Varric.
Hawke: 1-800-SEXHAWK, how may I assist with your adventures?
Varric: Just checking on you, Hawke. Has your first night in the business been treating you well?
Hawke: You lied to me! Good coin or not, this job is disgusting! And what do I say to them during all the grunting and wanking?
Varric: Oh, that. Just make encouraging noises. It’s easy. You can even read a book during most of it. They usually can’t tell.
Hawke: But I’m not sure I’ll get it right… Perhaps I should practice with you first. Just… so I can learn from the best…
Varric: Nice try, Hawke. But you know the rules. No DORFSEX for you.]