"That's all History is; the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."A tumblr page dedicated to the paragon of dwarven manliness himself, Varric Tethras.
Let us worship the chest hair. ^.~
Be wary of the occasional NSFW content.
Alt link here.
Ah, Brian Bloom, you ovary obliterator.
This edition of 1800DORFSEX was inspired by this comic, that one scene from Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the fact that my dash always has Garrus on it at least ten times a day. XD
Alt link here.
Jill, all you’ve gotta do is hold your walkie-talkie ahead of you and the zombies will be too enthralled by the sound of Varric’s voice to care about having a S.T.A.R.S. snack.
Alt viewing link here as per usual. :)
![1800dahawke:
This looked like fun, so I thought I’d give it a try.
[Image: a conversation between 1-800-SEXHAWK, run by a custom Marian Hawke, and 1-800-DORFSEX, run by Varric.
Transcript:
Hawke: 1-800-SEXHAWK, how may I assist with your adventures?
Varric: Just checking on you, Hawke. Has your first night in the business been treating you well?
Hawke: You lied to me! Good coin or not, this job is disgusting! And what do I say to them during all the grunting and wanking?
Varric: Oh, that. Just make encouraging noises. It’s easy. You can even read a book during most of it. They usually can’t tell.
Hawke: But I’m not sure I’ll get it right… Perhaps I should practice with you first. Just… so I can learn from the best…
Varric: Nice try, Hawke. But you know the rules. No DORFSEX for you.]
Reblogging Kyeshgall’s 1800DAHAWKE submission here due to Varric. :3](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0bpl5oDet1rqijero1_500.png)
This looked like fun, so I thought I’d give it a try.
[Image: a conversation between 1-800-SEXHAWK, run by a custom Marian Hawke, and 1-800-DORFSEX, run by Varric.
Transcript:
Hawke: 1-800-SEXHAWK, how may I assist with your adventures?
Varric: Just checking on you, Hawke. Has your first night in the business been treating you well?
Hawke: You lied to me! Good coin or not, this job is disgusting! And what do I say to them during all the grunting and wanking?
Varric: Oh, that. Just make encouraging noises. It’s easy. You can even read a book during most of it. They usually can’t tell.
Hawke: But I’m not sure I’ll get it right… Perhaps I should practice with you first. Just… so I can learn from the best…
Varric: Nice try, Hawke. But you know the rules. No DORFSEX for you.]
Reblogging Kyeshgall’s 1800DAHAWKE submission here due to Varric. :3
My silly little contribution to Custom Hawke week.
If your Hawke isn’t in here, I mean it as no offense. I just picked some that I’m familiar with/have a special soft spot for.
But, my dear ones, it might not be updated as regularly, but in the future I may be posting more custom Hawke phone sex operator funnies over at 1800DAHAWKE. There will also be a submission option for those of you who might wanna join in on the fun. :3
(Edited Noah’s for having one character too many XD; )
Poor Carver.
I can just see Varric hanging on the line with the biggest trollface grin on his face after Carver passed out from shock.
Alternate link is here if anyone has trouble seeing everything.
I BLAME THIS ENTIRELY ON JAKFACE AND ALSO DEDICATE IT TO HER.
How could I resist after seeing all the Groose fan art on my dash lately? lol
Yes, Groose has an Elvis phone. :3
What’s the point of having a Palantir or a crystal ball if you’re not gonna use it to contact 1800DORFSEX? :D
I love you, Aveline. XD